Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Just before Christmas, my wife of 20+ years told me she wanted a divorce. I won't say that I didn't see it coming. Our marriage had been waning for years, especially since my first lower back surgery. She kept claiming that I didn't do my physical therapy, yadda, yadda, yadda. Things slowly grew worse from there. Depression set in for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my back didn't get any better. Secondly, a motor vehicle accident caused me to have ANOTHER surgery, after herniating 2 disks in my neck. The depression got worse and I became a grumpy bastard, eventually losing my job. I will fault my old employer for not recognizing the symptoms to some extent, but also myself and my wife. Trying to find new employment was a problem, as I was unable to do a lot of physical stuff, especially standing, lifting, and being on my feet for any length of time. I tried to do some self-employment things, but they didn't really work out. I probably didn't try hard enough, I can't really say.

The emotional abuse set in. It will haunt me forever. Basically, I was told that I was lazy, I DID gain a lot of weight and was informed that I was pretty much worthless. This went on for a few years, probably six. Sure, I kept the house, did the yard, maintained the pool, hot tub, and vehicles. I did pretty much what my Realtor wife wanted or needed. I even kept up a website for her. Learning HTML was fun, at least a little. I DID become very computer literate.

The declining real estate market here in MN really placed a financial strain on us, especially since I couldn't find any decent work that I felt I could do. Another lower back surgery proved to be more beneficial. The Orthopaedic surgeon found a problem. He told me that during the surgery, he found bone fragments in my spine. He removed the bone fragments and fused my spine at one level. I was actually getting better. Walking became a little better, I was doing things in the yard and completing my physical therapy. Hell, I even joined the gym in an attempt to get things better. Depression still reigned in my life. Medications only made me numb to the world. A week before Christmas this year, the wife comes in drunk and informs me that she no longer wants to be married, driving me into a deeper depression than I already was. More than once, thoughts of suicide entered my mind. However, that wouldn't really accomplish anything and some driving force kept me going, if barely. Christmas eve day, Rick Warren was preaching on the TV. Feeling that I had little to lose, I joined in with him in a prayer.

The next thing I know, I'm getting my faith in God back. I'm driven to return to my home (in the south). I really didn't know why I was driven to return to where I grew up. It really was a mystery. Ultimately, enough money came in, allowing me to get down there. It wasn't terribly far, but it was a 1000 mile trip. I looked around for work, returned to Church, (something I had pretty much given up on), and reconnected with some old friends. I discovered that one old friend/ classmate was still in town. I merely dropped in to say, "Hi". I had no expectations. I was really drawn to her. She was the one I took to the senior prom some 33 years ago. She took me by the hand (figuratively) and got me out walking, boosted my ego to heights I hadn't seen in decades and I watched my depression slink away. So, as we continued to walk every day, life took on a new meaning. I fell in love again, something I really didn't expect to happen. I tapered off my anti-depressants, ultimately, not even needing them for the near month I was home. After all, they made me feel "drugged", "lifeless" and just plain "icky".

Now, I'm back in MN, missing my new love terribly and dealing with my soon to be "ex". My soon to be "ex" is being pretty decent, all in all, but a little "flaky" and confusing. It's a little tough, especially going through old pictures and "stuff", trying to decide who gets what and all of the painful emotions that come with getting a divorce. I talk to my Southern Angel daily, sometimes more. She gives me the strength to carry on with what I need to accomplish and return back "home" to my new love, a new place to live and a new job. The bigger thing is that this transition, however painful it seemed at first, has proven to be a blessing in disguise. I guess that God DOES work in mysterious ways. All in all, transitions CAN be good!!!