Friday, October 22, 2010

On Spouses & Wedding Vows

Darryl Curtis made a post on Facebook that kind of rubbed salt in an old wound. He was writing about how the feminist movement has adversely affected marriage. He stated:
Too many women fail to see their marriages as a source of satisfaction and accomplishment in the way they’ve been led to believe their careers will be. This mentality is the ugly part of the feminist movement, which supports personal success, acquisition, accomplishment, power, and the feminist political agenda over love, marriage, and family.

I kind of agree with him. While my "Ex wife" and I worked pretty well together as a team, apparently she got "tired" of me. I feel that this was mainly because I suffered a couple of injuries during a move and afterwards. The entire reason we decided to make this move was that it was a new company and had LOTS of potential and I wouldn't be constantly working outside during the harsh Minnesota winters. That move was of more benefit than just the job. It also gave us the extra money that would enable her to go to Real Estate school and obtain her license.

She worked hard at selling homes. With our combined incomes, we were pretty much set and could live a "comfortable" life, which we were doing. We had everything a couple could want or at least I THOUGHT so. In the interim, my left foot started dragging. I went to see my Doctor about it and he ordered an MRI. I had a ruptured disk in my back. I was thinking, "OK, well that's not such a big deal". I had an L4-L5 discectomy. For some strange reason, I never got ANY better. I was in constant pain and didn't want to take anything more than Ibuprofen due to my job. Next came an automobile accident which herniated two disks in my neck. I hung in there. Ultimately, due to my pain & frustration with the way my body wasn't working, my anger got out of hand. I was angry towards some contract workers not only because I was in pain, but also because they wouldn't pay attention to what I had attempted to teach them. Most of these contract workers were not very intelligent, had little or no experience and some had extensive criminal backgrounds. I ultimately got fired from this job because I was "offensive and rude".

As it worked out, I looked for work that I thought I could do. I wasn't able to find anything. I pretty much became "Mr. Mom". That was OK because the Real Estate market was booming and I still had my retirement from the military, along with the medical benefits. During this time, we started sleeping in different rooms because my medications were keeping me awake and I didn't want to disturb her sleep. After all, she was working and I wasn't. As time went by, I attempted to convince my wife to obtain her brokers license. She really didn't listen to me much and that should have been an indication. After running it by several of her coworkers and with my continued insistence, she did get her brokers license. Things continued to go well. I wound up with a two level fusion in my neck. Money was still not a problem. We still had everything we needed and most everything we wanted.

The next move was that because we lived in an almost rural area, she wanted to be closer to work. She didn't like driving Hwy 10 from Becker to Elk River. I could sort of understand that because it was a 20 minute drive and during the winter, it could be extremely dangerous. ( I should mention that at this time she started hanging out at the bar with her co-workers and "friends".) She decided that moving to Ramsey would make life better for her as it was closer to work, some of her family and friends. I assented with reluctance. Her brother had found a lot just four houses down from his house. We had him build our new "custom home". Lots of problems, but she closed on it anyways. She didn't want to hold her brother accountable for the flaws and get them fixed or repaired. We then moved from Becker to Ramsey. It was a difficult move for me because we had a LOT of stuff. Some of it got moved by a local mover, but not nearly enough. After we moved, our home in Becker sat on the failing real estate market. We were making payments on two houses !! In that time, she decided that she wanted to be in this new office building where the rent was TRIPLE of what she was paying. Funds drained slowly until we reached a point where we were struggling to even make ONE house payment. I found a temporary summer job in Minneapolis. That kept us afloat for another six months. I sucked it up that entire summer and made do by whatever means I could with the job. It was physically hard on me. Not only the commute, but the job, itself. After that job ended, I was out of work again. Another several months went by and the real estate market continued to fail. All the while, I did the outside stuff at the new house and at the old house, for the most part, which included moving massive amounts of snow.

Knowing that I was still infirmed, I sought out more surgery to correct the problems. To put it bluntly, I was tired of hurting, not being able to do things and most especially, being unable to find work that I could actually DO. After that surgery and while I was recuperating, I got the deck installed on our house that was supposed to have been installed before we took occupancy a year and a half earlier. Thank God that the sub-contractors had already been paid and held to their word. During that time, I contracted a post-surgical e-Coli infection in my bladder that ultimately found its way to my kidneys. I laid in bed for almost three weeks, with a fever and chills. My "loving wife" just told me to "quit whining" and insinuated that I was malingering. She would come home at all hours of the night. What little did I know what she was actually doing. After three weeks, I finally got enough energy to convince my daughter to take me to the Doctor. Three injections of Rocephin set me straight. I was on my way back to recovery. During this time, my "loving wife" of 19 years came home drunk and told me she wanted a divorce. I thought that it was he liquor talking. She continued to come home at all hours of the morning, if at all.

Two weeks before Christmas that year, she told me again that she wanted a divorce. This time I knew that it wasn't the liquor talking. That was the worst Christmas of my life. Finally, I said, "fine" took my retirement check and went home to my Texas hometown. I found some work, which I wasn't real certain I could physically do, but it was a start. I sold off some things to get some money that would enable my relocation and packed up things and moved. The things were mutually decided on. I still remember her watching me and my friends like a hawk as we were loading up. I don't know why. She almost made me feel like a criminal as I was leaving. I said goodbye to my daughter and we headed South.

Fast forward to a a couple of years later....... Once again, unemployed, I discovered through some connections I still had in Minnesota that she had been unfaithful to me just after my surgery. I guess that with her dad telling her that she was too young to be saddled with someone infirmed and broken, my infirmities themselves, and her friends pushing her in a bad direction, this might be why. They didn't want to tell me at the time as they were afraid of what I might have done. (I would have left earlier had I known is about it.) I already had my suspicions, but I didn't want to face them. I'd like to think I tried, but apparently I didn't try hard enough. She didn't try at all. As I see it, she just bailed.

Jumping to the present, I have finally discovered, through relentless pursuit, the cause of my problems; I have Spino-cerebellar Ataxia. What this means to the layperson is that my cerebellum is dying off. I will ultimately wind up in a wheel chair and worse as my cerebellum continues to die off.